Christian Ayers

faith like a child

2010-10-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

In old days there were angels who came and took men by the hand and led them away from the city of destruction. We see no white-winged angels now. But yet men are led away from threatening destruction: a hand is put into theirs, which leads them forth gently towards a calm and bright land, so that they look no more backward; and the hand may be a little child's. - George Eliot's Silas Marner

I Heart Ethiopia(ack)

2010-07-15T17:14:00.000-07:00

–verb (used without object)

to go from one place to another, as by car, train, plane, or ship; take a trip; journey: to travel for pleasure.

to move or go from one place or point to another.

to proceed or advance in any way

I'm going to open every one of you...

2010-07-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

... and maybe even a few more.

ASLAN!

2010-06-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

the best thing I could find in the news today.

2010-06-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

What could have been (LSAT revised)

2010-06-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

Augustine of Hippo is waiting in the kitchen. It smells like scones, and the doctrine of salvation through grace. When I sit down to eat he gives me a pep-talk that focuses on God's ability to redeem bad test scores even though we don't deserve it. He also tells me that my bitter thoughts towards the LSAC are not a sin because they take place primarily in the subconscious which is ungovernable.

Josh Ritter meets me by the car. I had intended to play Barney's pump up mix the whole way there, but JR tells me he brought his band. They are going to drive with me there and write some music. Awesome. JR tells humorous anecdotes about his folk-history major in between songs. They invite me to come live with them in Ireland after the LSAT is over.

Jesus is in the desk next to me. He looks pretty calm, but I know deep down he would rather not take this test. He does lean over an pat me on the back. Pretty cool. Bruce Marcey is the proctor. He offers me life-lessons in between handing out the tests and taking breaks. Jesus zaps the annoying cough out of a kid behind me. He also fixes all the desks in the room because he already has all the answers. (he slips me some, on the DL).

Turns out I was so distracted by Jesus that I didn't even notice Bono sitting on the other side of me. "Hey Bono!" He mutters on about contingency fees in western Australian law and how much they hurt the common man, apparently he intends to do something about it. We leave the test together. Turns out JR and the guys are still there so they call over Jesus, and together they all play "YES - I've seen all good people" in an incredible 7 minutes. They follow with one of Bono's own composures "Bullet the Blue Sky."

I get my score back immediately, it reads 175. Awesome.

Celebration of Discipline

2010-05-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

Brothers, have no fear of men's sin. Love a man even in his sin, for that is the semblance of Divine Love and is the highest love on earth. Love all God's creation, the whole and every grain of sand in it. Love every leaf, every ray of God's light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day.

- Father Zosima, from the The Grand Inquisitor, Fyodor Dostoevsky

What the LSAT has taught me thus far.

2010-05-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

Distrust. Sure you have sound logic, but you forgot that one table out of five can't have three sponsors at it, so K really does sit at table two and not table one. I used to think I had a good memory. This test is breaking me.

Deception. Every question is designed to trick you through murky diction and meaningless rules. I hope I walk away from this test with more than a unique ability to cut through bull crap.

Malcontent. Here's some formal logic for you. Christian thinks the LSAT is a mean test. Organisations that make mean tests hate Christian. Therefore, the makers of the LSAT hate Christian.

What information, if also true, would strengthen the authors argument?

I dislike you too LSAT.

The story of how I lost a week of my life.

2010-05-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

LOST viewers. Tonight is the culmination of... everything.

Did you know that there have been 119 episodes of LOST thus far. A few of those episodes were two hours, lets say 6 over 6 seasons. Let's also say that you, like me, have re-watched at least the first two seasons of LOST with your friends, or because you forgot what happened. That's say 40 additional episodes. Add to that the 5 hour ABC LOST-a-thon tonight and you have... drumroll please... 170 hours of LOST viewings!

...or a little over 7 days of your life just devoted to watching LOST! Luckily I can reason that I saw the majority of the seasons on dvd or online which means I can almost take a third of that time off the total. But still... my head hurts just thinking about it.

(Just so you know if you only watched each episode once that is still 5 days)!

Let's hope it was worth it...

Helpful tips when interviewing for a job

2010-05-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

1). Know what job you are interviewing for.

2). Know when you are interviewing.

3). At least make certain that you have an interview.

When it comes to topics like this, I know best. Most recent college grads are capable of understanding that they have a phone interview, and they generally know when to expect it and for what job the interview is for. I, however, am completely unaware of any of these things because I was watching Seinfeld when my phone exploded in my hand. Like a cat that has just discovered an Ipad, I was dumbfounded that my phone actually could ring during an episode of Seinfeld. I was just watching Seinfeld and then it rang. How rude? I guess in the confusion I answered the phone and vaguely recall something about "supervisor position" and "phone interview." Nothing else. I have no idea if the phone interview is for me, and if it is I have no idea when. I also have no idea what job it is for, out of the millions I have applied to. I narrowed down the list using the supervisor clue, but that only got me so far.

Kids, I am an idiot. An idiot with a potential phone interview.

U15 is not a submarine

2010-05-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

6:13 Please, eat some tangerines.

Regretfully, I must ease back into the bloggosphere to prevent unnecessary harm to myself and to the entire blogmunity. Posts will be fewer and farer between. They will also be less grammatically correct. Savvy?

"15 year old girls vs. Christian"

That happened in a soccer scrimmage last night. I am still so dazed that I am not sure if last night was real. Dad coaches an all girls U15 team in Matthews, and I usually, being bored, go watch. Tonight my friend Elliot and I went out there to pass around and goof off, but serendipitously the other team was a no show. So the refs all formed a team and asked us to join, and we played my dad's team. It was mayhem. Little girls punched me in the solar plexus. I got nutmegged. One of em shoved me to beat me to a ball. It may sound like we've been losing up until this point, but really it was just me. The rest of my team was super serious and owned face on these little girls. DICK MOVE. So I switched teams. I kicked the poop out of stupid little ref man. One girl scored three times off of my assists. Who's a 15 year old girl now, stupid little ref man?

I have never been more proud of a victory than the time that I played on a U15 girls soccer team.

The Rebirth

2010-05-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of celebration, but let me explain why. The first reason: The blog is risen again. The second: that will require some explaining. My dog has a habit of sneezing in a manner such that his entire body contorts and his head is thrust into the ground. It is never gentle. Nay. It is violent. Imagine the violence of every war since the dawn of time collapsed into a microsecond of ferocious little Jack Russell sneezing. Let it be known that I have always claimed that one day his head would cause an earthquake by the sheer shock-wave created by this head slamming action. Today he came close. I was minding my own business when Henry gave me that look. It's that "oh no" look you see on peoples faces in the apocalypse movies when they realise the 2000 ton cruise liner is indeed being carried by the 3oo foot waves directly to the empire state building where it will inevitably crash killing everyone. It was that look. The tiny head reared back and then it was all over. The ground shook, and no lie, two paintings fell off the kitchen wall. We still have not managed to replace them, the hooks snapped. Luckily no one was injured this time... and for those curious, he still has all of his teeth.

All that is to say... Welcome to my blog. I hope you find your stay enjoyable.

Nostoi

2010-01-10T06:24:00.000-08:00

Fragment #5 -- Clement of Alex. Strom., vi. 2. 12. 8: `For gifts beguile men's minds and their deeds as well.' (1)

Welcome to Big Daddy's, may I take your order?

2010-01-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

Was death an option and I just missed it somewhere?

my dog, the fossor

2010-01-07T21:59:00.000-08:00

He is digging under the fence.

Why?

To be covered in dirt.

What will he accomplish?

A hole deeper than there was before.

How?

Under the cover of night.

To what end?

Escape.

Christian Ayers, A Study in Scarlet

2010-01-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

Knowledge of Literature ― Profound.
Knowledge of Philosophy ― Nothing.
Knowledge of Astronomy ― Nothing.
Knowledge of Politics ― Practical.
Knowledge of Botany ― Variable. Well up in belladonna, opium and poisons generally. Knows nothing of practical gardening.
Knowledge of Geology ― Practical, but limited. Tells at a glance different soils from each other. After walks, has shown me splashes upon his trousers, and told me by their colour and consistence in what part of Greenville he had received them.
Knowledge of Chemistry ― Feeble.
Knowledge of Anatomy ― Accurate, but unsystematic.
Knowledge of Sensational Literature ― Immense. He appears to know every detail of every horror perpetrated in the century.
Ski's well.
Is an expert darts player, boxer and swordsman.
Has a good practical knowledge of American law.

Don't mind the yankees (I HATE YOU)

2010-01-02T23:39:00.000-08:00

3,428 revolutions of the damn escalator in the terminal and I feel like this kid. I woke up this morning with the intention of being at home by 9. But then United Airlines was all like "Hey, we're stupid in the head and we're going to cancel your flight to Dallas, so you also won't be going home." Then they are like "We just heard there is a huge blizzard heading for Boston, we're going to send you there." So here I am, not sleeping, in the dirty as poop Boston terminal. And I am not certain when I can leave. Most flights stand a chance of being grounded due to the bleeping snow storm! Screw you United, and screw you Boston. I don't know what you are good for, besides stupid accents.

I hate you.

we will do better next time/ this is a good beginning

2010-01-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

2010 = new digs

faintly falling

2009-12-29T20:55:00.000-08:00

Skanket - slutty blanket

Naw- banana abbreviation (brit.)

Oblonginal- still not a word mister snowboard punk

Wonderstube- innapropriate thing to say to a waiter

Man I was awesome

2009-12-28T21:05:00.001-08:00

Make SKI

2009-12-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

The land of milk and honey. The promised land. Maybe Moses was lost? Maybe he was so lost that he settled on Israel and forgot all about Colorado? These are the things that I think about. And it could happen right? I have been lost before and settled on second best. Yeah, Israel is cool and all, but lets be honest. The promised land should have been Colorado. This is why.

1) snow. it's here and it is beautiful.

2) skis. they are great.

3) snow-skiing. greautiful.

4) drunk guys. they don't ski well but at least they know they don't ski well.

5) drunk guys employed by Vail. they don't do their jobs well, but at least they know they don't do their jobs well.

6) I will be working here next year.

7) who said the real world has to suck?

8) fat sumo ski man that I didn't see but am one-hundred percent certain exists here.

Collapsing the infinite and unreachable into the dimensions of your world

2009-12-25T16:57:00.000-08:00

Another Christmas came and went. It is hard to comprehend why I spend so much of the year in anticipation of this one day. But really, the world spent billions of years in anticipation of this one day. All of time anticipated this day. It is not hard to understand a God of the "omni's", but it is hard to relate to her. Or him. Take your pick. What the world needed most was for that infinite being to collapse itself into the its own dimensions. I guess it isn't so weird that we collapse our anticipation into one, small day. It isn't weird because our anticipation was realized in one, small baby.

This Christmas was great for a lot of reasons.

Great Grampa's cowboy boots
Smoked Turkey
Christmas texts
Bing
Warehouse's Christmas Eve service
High school friends and Johnnie Walker
Beer
A.E.T.
Leaving for Colorado tomorrow
John, Linda, Rachel, Henry and Jesse

It isn't weird to anticipate the birth of Jesus. Its ingrained in us. Anticipation starts tomorrow.

Our fathers are not who they say they are

2009-12-19T18:47:00.001-08:00

It is 9:45 and I am at home. It was not always this way. To understand how I got here, one must first understand the Bermans. They are an odd sort of folk who have lived in the same neighborhood with us twice. We moved. They moved. We are all the merrier for it. The Bermans throw THE BEST Christmas party every year, and they are not even our age. Food, Caroling, Alcohol, and at least one 45 year old man bawling on his knees because the Christmas season is just so beautiful. But wait. Astronauts? Yes! Midway through the drinking Dr. Berman made us all enter his study where he showed us clips from a PBS documentary on a Space Monkey. This was right before Mrs. Creshon told me that the fruity drink I was given by the neighbors wasn't vodka based at all; it was diluted with moonshine. Ladies and Gentleman, I am drunk as hell! 5 beers plus whatever the poison they gave me sent me packing. I have slightly recovered, but these lines you are reading have been edited and re-edited so that they will even begin to make sense. Short of the matter is that I am just drunk enough to say that I miss you guys. Why aren't you all blogging? Blog my friends, blogue.

this is a good beginning

2009-12-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

Boone, NC. 12/18/09.

If drugs were this hard to start, then DARE might actually have a chance.

Your heart-soul does not deceive you; the blog is rising again. It has been a long, and painful process; but I truthfully saw no other alternative. I will not deny myself or others joy at the Christmas season! As many of you know, Randy Stewthews 1st Annual 21st Birthday Stunt Show Spectacular just took place in Boone, NC. We laughed, we cried, we took a nap. Viking burials and failed fire-pits, beer-pong and high moon-pie delights. Grandpa's, Grandma's and that homeless guy. Books, Blenheim, booze, Jolly Joe-Brown and buffoonery. All in all, I felt that the week deserved a poem in the likeness of Whitman's. Enjoy with the purest of enjoyment.

Our home is there!

Come, we go to the mountains,

grab your bags, your alcohol, and lights,

ready your glasses, one by one,

Our home is there!

Bring your spaghetti Amy,

Riley the bread, we must face the cheesy danger,

We who eat Becky's cheddar, on Boone we depend,

Our home is there!

O you December men,

So thirsty, full of beer, full of manly pride and friendship,

Plain I see you, Andy and Reid, see you drinking with the foremost,

Our home is there!

Have the drinking races halted?

Hast Grandpa Corey and Grandma Lane ceased the festivities?

Nay! They are not wearied! Virginia and Luke take up the task eternal,

Our home is there!

The song of Bagel Bites we begin,

Virginia debouches upon a new and mightier world, cheesy world,

Though Becca and Nick depart, Becky and Maria join us resolute,

Our home is there!

Boone men are we,

Cheering, Brian and Emily arrive from the passes, up the mountains steep,

Conquering, holding, daring, A toast to the fallen bird and viking burial,

Our home is there!

See my children, resolute children,

The snow is steadily falling, we must never yield or falter, a drink to Boone

A Christmas toast, how loud and clear, I hear it call, “Flip that bitch for all!”

Our home is there!

With love,
- Christian

Goodnight Blog

2009-08-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

In the great green room
There was a telephone
And a red balloon
And a picture of--
The cow jumping over the moon
And there were three little bears sitting on chairs
And two little kittens
And a pair of mittens
And a little toy house
And a young mouse
And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush
And a quiet old lady who was whispering "hush"

Why you should let this man buy you a drink

2009-08-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hypothesis: "The Happening" was not as horrible as I was made to believe.

Why?

Mark E. Mark

He knows his science because he is a high school science teacher.

He knows his moods, even though he can act out none of them.

He understands bees, because he can talk to animals.

He understands trees, because he can talk to animals.

He speaks like a confused three year old Marlon Brando, without jeopardizing the films credit.

He knows that the last sentence is only half true.

Canidae

2009-08-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

Old people know how to party

2009-08-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went and hung out with old people. Most of them were in their thirties, but my bald-john-malchovich-looking pastor was definitely there. and IT WAS BOSS. Vegas style gambling. Craps, Chimay, Wine, fuckin homebrew. Preview of Sunday's sermon on Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. Don't believe me? go to Warehouse 242. All I can say is,

why can't the church's in Greenville be more fuckin relevant?

Dear Blog,

2009-08-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

We knew that from day one, our relationship had an expiration date.

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.

-Random quote I pulled cause it is boss. (Lin Yutang).

Two weeks.

for all that's good

2009-08-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

There was a lot of expectation for the Avett Brothers concert last night. And my expectations certainly aligned with reality. And then some. They were definitely made better by the company I was with. Thanks girls for coming up. I had a blast. Here's a treat or two for those that missed out.

Salina and new batik

Scott singing Murder in the City

WTF.

2009-08-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

Shakira - New Music - More Music Videos

Top 10 reasons why tonight has thus far been incredible

2009-08-05T17:44:00.001-07:00

Brinner.

The water is rising

2009-08-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

I am back here in my field chair. All is well. Friday night I cooked a magnificent meal for one and watched Whale Wars. It was a great Friday night. Yesterday though, Elliot and Haowei came up from Winston-Salem. I ended up fly-fishing until they got here, and got a wicked burn and baby brook to show for it. (Don't worry I always catch and release. Always.) We played in the river for a bit, and then got dinner in a place where the roof was gushing water into buckets in the middle of the restaurant. They had to replace them every 3-4 minutes with empty buckets to catch all the rainwater. This was alright though, because the waitress cut up my strawberries into bite sized pieces. She was a very sweet girl. Then I won scrabble, and made coffee ice cream which was ballin'. Haowei started a sodoku which she couldnt finish because we were all tipsy, so we went to bed dejected.

Today we went kayaking on the Watauga Lake! It was rainy but a lot of fun. We also discovered a huge rope swing from which you may hurt yourself as much as your heart desires. And we found out that gampa ayers' truck can make it to Tennessee. Great day. They just left, right as it started to get sunny. but oh well.

Give credit where credit is due...

2009-07-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

>

I can dig it. Check out the sweet dance at 2:50.

Here's to you Stephen Colbert, you hipster.

I have just escaped from a glue prison.

2009-07-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

It was a sticky situation. I was on my porch just now attempting to apply spray adhesive to some matte board. Before I knew it, my hands were coated in viscous sealant.

I knew it was over. But alas! God did not mean for me to die this day. After I unstuck the board from my hands I was just barely able to rub off enough of the stuff to survive. Very dangerous stuff. Now pretty much anything I touch sticks to me, including these keys. Typing is extremely difficult, but I was in the mood to post. What can you do?

Adventuresome?

2009-07-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

Nope. Nothing really seems interesting now that I have fought a deer. Today I took at geology test. That would have seemed adventuresome to me a week ago. Now it's just bland. I also ate cereal. No longer adventuresome. Other things no longer adventuresome: Shaving, watching the Colbert Report, eating a banana, throwing a frisbee, texting, listening to a coffee pot, calling my parents, eating a sandwich with turkey instead of ham.

Pooping, and texting while driving remain adventuresome. Everything else though just seems rather dull. So I pulled one out of the hat and skipped class to visit a friend at Wake Forest. It was just what I needed. For a few days now that deer had ruined my life, I was certain. Now I think I can rest easy.

Come have an adventure with me. You won't regret it.

A good weekend...

2009-07-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

... and I fought a deer.

Elliot and Andrew, friends from high-school, and their friends Mary and Haowei came up to spend the weekend with me.

1) Drank, and learned all about what an Eiffel Tower is. Apparently it only works if there are three people. Who knew?

2) Caved. Yeah, I have been about a million times, and I still find new ways to get lost.

3) Waterfalled. It's a word starting now.

4) Zombies and peach ice cream. Good combo? The zombies think so.

5) Melloooo Mooshroom. Get that tip waitress.

6) Watauga lake and unintentionally swimming nakey time.

All this lead up to me fighting a deer today after they left. I heard a nature fight happening outside and it turns out that FRODO-BEAR was taking down a deer! FALSE. Frodo bear was getting the poop knocked out of him because he is the size of an apple and this deer was freakin ginormous! I kicked that deers ass figuratively, which was really dumb, but it was the first time I have ever gotten within 3 feet of a wild deer. They are way bigger than you would think. I should have died but luckily I guess my yelling scared it off. Frodo bear is now walking around pumped full of doggy pain killers after a visit to the vet. Vet said he'd be fine, apparently the deer didn't hit him directly, just a lot of glancing blows.

Now you know. Bambi could murder your dog. Watch it now.

You can smear my blogue any day

2009-07-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

Wednesday's are typically study day upon the shores of the mighty Watauga. Kick back with a little lithification of sedimentary rocks and some high grade metamorphism and you got yourself a roo'tootin' good Wednesday. Oh how wrong I was.

INVASION! As I was pulling the Ayers flagship yacht "The Murky Mama" out of its dockhouse, what did I find in my entryway but a pair of human beings. And not just any pair of homo-sapiens but the best kind. The kind that like surprises, and beer. I happen to like those things as well, so I knew that everything would work out. Without the slightest hesitation Hunter and Amy both boarded the flagship and we set sail for the wide expanses of the western Watauga. Approximately 4 seconds later, we had arrived, and a few seconds after that we had consumed all of our rations. After a quick beer run up Ayers Mtn. we set sail again, this time in search of Fawnsy. Alas, we were not drunk enough. Burgers beckoned to Ms. Amy, and thus we drove the hazardous Boone roads in Gampa Ayers' beat down truck in search of the most redneck place known to the civilized folk.

Corn nuggets. You kind of wish they were fries. But they are not. I can't explain them but my geology textbook does a pretty good job on pg. 214 in the section on Vulcanism in relation to chemical metamorphism. Back to the chateau for some brew and cake. Then, a mere 4 hours after the surprise began, it ended. I wept a tear or three and then finished studying for my test, slightly drunk.

Here's to friends. Love you guys.

Fawnsy, an Introduction

2009-07-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

This last weekend the entirety of my mother's family invaded my humble mountain abode to celebrate another year together. Isn't that scenario so Norman Rockwell you want to vomit. In contradiction of my overwhelmingly negative introductory sentences, the weekend was actually a blast in a funny sense. The infamous July 11th was spent cooking for twenty, getting lost from 11 to 1 on back mountain dirt roads looking for a trailhead. Hiking two hours across rivers with no map, giving up, trying to pop the clutch on my car because I left my headlights on (I didn't mention the tropical rainforest conditions, 7 inches of rain was recorded that day in our area). Eating smoked boston butt and drinking beer with granddad Burleson to forget the rest of the day. All in all I couldn't have asked for a better, or more interesting 11th.

Enter Fawnsy. Fawnsy is a magical orphaned faun that lives by the river. My drunk uncle Ronnie was the first to discover him/her. He was fishing, miller in hand, when abreast of him in the woods wast Fawnsy haloed in fanciful beer delusions. Uncle Ronnie is redneck as redneck can be, and placing his miller down, he spoke to Fawnsy, at which he claims Fawnsy tried to reveal something to him.

Later my aunt Patricia also claimed to see Fawnsy. Aunt Patricia is similar to the pet whisperer. If dogs could talk, they would certainly talk to her. She said it tried to lead her to the other side of the river.

Now I sit, stunned that I have actually gone looking for Fawnsy twice now. He/she has not revealed itself to me yet and I couldn't be more down about it. Perhaps with age the magic has left me. Frodo-bear is writing this post with me and he tells me otherwise. Tomorrow I will search again.

What Fawnsy may look like. He/she is probably even cuter than this. Cause it's magical.

Alcoholism, and how it could affect you.

2009-07-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

Does it make you an alcoholic if 4 possible answers out of 20 questions on your multiple choice test make reference to popular alcohol labels?

If so, my geology professor might be an alcoholic, and a really easy test maker.

On a side note, If you have recently forgotten that Bon Iver can spin a whaler tune, I suggest you find some time to remember.

Love you guys that are reading this + the ones that don't

= F***ing everybody

Q: Who names their dog Frodo Bear?

2009-07-08T16:15:00.001-07:00

A: My neighbor.

It can't find me right now because I am in a truck bed, but Frodo Bear is a perceptive little fluff-ball. It's only a matter of time till my cover is blown.

There will be no funny stuff.

Boone Survival 101

2009-07-07T16:11:00.000-07:00

1. Get fit: Since monday I have "conquered" Ayers Mtn. 3 times. On the first jaunt I ralphed 3 times. Yesterday, I only bloofed twice. Today was better. I ran for 5 minutes, walked for one minute and only chunked once. Guess what that means!? After two days of decreasing the occasions of tossing by one, I should be able to run twenty minutes up Ayers Mtn. without puking. Get fit.

2. Go to class: Waking up for your 9 o'clock at 8 o'clock works great if you actually have a 9 o'clock. Funny thing is, I have an 8 o'clock. So I was an hour late to my first class. Luckily the professor thought it was endearing, so if anything, my tardiness will earn me an A.

3. Battle nature: Beetles on the front door. Snakes in the front lawn. Big scary ferocious Doberman's on the mountain. Its like Nat. Geo. out here.

4. Brew beer: After 4 hours in the kitchen, I successfully made a mess. A big mess, a really f***ing big mess. Hopefully in 4 weeks time that mess turns into alcohol so I can drink it. Right now the house smells like heaven. A heaven filled with beer. Is there any other kind?

Is there a ghost in my house?

2009-07-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

merry-weather camping
altogether tramping
soul tethered, cramping
with a soothsayer sampling

telling me?

you don't need to go far
to find your own backyard.

Thanks to Becky and Katie for a great fourth of July. I hope everyone else's was equally enjoyable. Tomorrow I get prepared for my first day of class. Wish me luck y'all.

Florida Day 1

2009-06-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Eight hours in a car sounds familiar. Josh Ritter taught me to love long automobile jaunts.

Florida is so very different from Boone. Duh. But really, day and night guys. Day and Night.

Discovery of the Mohito (sic.) It might be a J in there, I am just going to mark it up as incorrect spelling. Perhaps the only thing to drink when beer is not around. I eagerly await being proved otherwise.

Obesity. Florida is not immune. I am becoming convinced that I should quit running. It is obviously unavoidable.

I could live here.

I AM STILL PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

2009-06-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

This time it's not because of a U.S. win. I think we played great with the Dempsey goal in the 10th, and the Donovan coming in at the 37th. Howard played phenomenally, as always. Spector and Oneyewu in the back with great support. We just fell apart in the second half. Brazil came at us with 4 goals, only three of which were counted, thank goodness. That's alright though. In my opinion Brazil is on par with Spain for the world's best team, and to come away with a 2-3(4) loss is still great.

And the reason I am most proud to be an American? I was kickin' back with some friends on top of Calloway peak while this heart wrenching game was being played out. Because, my friends, I have DVR. Sorry if I didn't reply to texts, I was afraid some one would give away the score. Which T.J. did, but luckily I didn't look until just now.

Sorry, fellow americans. We didn't take first. We got second though, and that counts for something. Now to the gold cup back in the U.S.A.

Two hours of Tennis. Days of humiliation.

2009-06-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

My old man beat me in tennis today. Real hard. Then told me he got beat by a 70 year old.

Here's to you Dad. Proving that old people can still humiliate the rest of us.

Summer Saviour

2009-06-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

Sarah somehow saved summer,

she studied, stymied, searched

sounding simply syllables soon

searing stupidity. Silly soul,

soothed. Silently sunny,

spirits soaring soprano.

Sarah sang saving summer.

Streamlined, safe.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

2009-06-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

Why you ask? Here's why. USA doesn't play soccer. We're not bad, but we've never been that good either. Until now. Read the last post. Cry if you didn't listen to my plea because you missed F***king HISTORY. Then go watch U.S.A BEAT FREAKIN' SPAIN on ESPN360.

Going into the match Spain was hoping to beat Brazil for a record 35 undefeated matches. They haven't lost a match since Nov. 2006. FIFA has them ranked as the no. 1 team in the WORLD.

And the U.S. SHUT THEM OUT. 2-0. Now we advance to the Confederations Cup Finals against Brazil or the Republic of South Africa. So here's plea number 2.

If you weren't american enough to watch us humiliate the spaniards in front of the whole world, then be american enough to watch us trample S.Africa or lose repectfully to Brazil. Because I mean really. Come on, it's Brazil.

FUTBOL!

2009-06-23T20:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I don't talk about this a lot, but I follow heart-attack teams. Carolina Panthers for example. For like 3 seasons in a row they played shitty football, but then at the last second they would decide "Hey, maybe we should like win this game or something."

Here's another. Team USA. I have watched every second of the confederations cup group B matches in which USA has played, and most of the games in which they did not. It sucked. Really hard.

Until Sunday, (the games "Brazil v. Italy" and "USA v. Egypt" I have unfortunately just now had the time to watch).

Short of the story is, USA had no hope of advancing, and has now advanced to the semi-final round to play Spain TOMORROW at 2:25 on ESPN. They pulled out an incredible 3-0 win against Africa champion Egypt, and Italy's goal differential allowed us to advance. Incredible.

So, this post is a plea. Watch this game.

Update

2009-06-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

The Albanians are dead, but Kim is not safe yet. The Shah says he will still manhandle Kim if I don't provide a transcript by Wednesday.

Don't worry Kim. I have a unique skill set that makes me a nightmare for uneducated Appalachian state employees.

I will win you back.

You know those summer plans I had....

2009-06-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

Well Friday they came crashing down. I wasn't hoping for anything big this summer, in fact I wanted the opposite. My go-getter side (almost non-existent) was comfortable with taking the back seat to my Dharma-bum-side (which is not my ass, but surprisingly like it). A few classes, some new friends, and a lot of time by the river. Didn't seem too much to ask at all. I was really excited. Mailman showed up, with a letter I had to sign for.

"Your admission to Appalachian State University is hereby rescinded due to your failure to satisfy one or more conditions of admission... including but not limited to: Register for term."

So heres the story. I applied for admission for the Summer Session II. Of course, being competent at anything more than racial slurs and judging people is not a requirement for Appalachian State employees. So they read a check by Summer Session II, and instead put me in the computer for Summer Session I. Houston we have a problem.

When I didn't show up for any Summer Session I classes, much less register for them, Appalachian decided I changed my mind. Seems natural right? Not really. I just wish they could read paperwork, as if I haven't helped them out with enough already.

Imagine the movie Taken with some minor plot changes. I am Liam Neeson. Appalachian State is the Albanians. Kim is my summer. And I am taking her back. Tomorrow. Wish me luck, because if this doesn't work out Kim's going to die. And no one wants that. Kim is too good looking.

Acts 2:26

2009-06-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

All I have is this honest grin,

and a need to prove I can handle it.

What I have learned and how I have learned it: The third movement.

2009-06-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

Beer,

beer!

beer.

beer-

be-er

&eer

beer.

Don't even look at me.

2009-06-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

I am not afraid to punch an old man in public.

Just let it happen.

2009-06-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

So, a road trip to New York for under 50 bucks seems unlikely, but then again so does the existence of magic. Both happened. BAM.

1. Josh Ritter: His music is magical, almost as magical as his smile. Being within the same park as him was one of the most brilliant things of this year.

2. New York: It's a mess of sweaty tourist's and disgruntled natives. The traffic is hectic and the stores are worse. But amongst the hustle and bustle one gets the sense of being incredibly small. It's easier to see that the world includes a lot more people than just you.

3. Guest Stars: Hillary Hahn, violinist. Won grammy for best intrumental soloist performance. Mark Strand, Poet. Glen Hansard. Each one was a complete surprise. The show was incredible.

4. Front Row: 5,000 people. One front row. And we had it. For free. It was really incredible. Watch Becky, and my sister Rachel in the video above.

5. Road Trip: It was all possible because we were willing to spend ten hours in a car over night. We drove in shifts, and slept in shifts. Whenever we were all awake we talked about crazy funny things, and I think I prefer sleeping in cars now. May not sound like fun to you, unless you've road tripped before, and then you know.

This list only includes 5 items, because this blog is not even close to being as legit as Hunter's.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

New York

2009-06-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

Just go,

has always been my motto.

Painting my driveway...

2009-06-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

would be a lot more fun if there was danger involved,

so I didn't put on sunscreen.

Saint Guinefort

2009-06-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

Today, I thought about how nice it would be to not wear clothes. Dogs, albeit hairy little animals don't do it. Then I realized that I probably learn about 65% of my valuable life lessons from the little critters. That's when I found St. Guinefort.

This saint was venerated on August 22nd, sometime in the 13th century. He was also a dog. Legend has it St. Guinefort's owner was out on an errand and returned home to find the house torn asunder, and the boy missing. St. Guinefort was found thereafter with blood covering his jowls. The owner assumed that the saint had killed the baby boy, so he slew the saint right there. Later he heard the cries of the baby under a table. There next to the safe, and very much alive baby boy, was a viper, bloodied and slain. The owner had killed the saviour of his boy.

Soon after, the dog was thrown down the well and a memorial of trees were grown over it. The dog was then venerated by the locals as the patron saint of protecting babies.

The point of this? Dogs are fucking boss.

Watch them, and you will learn some crazy shit. Like how to be chill, and value the good things in life.

BOSS

This is kind of cool

2009-06-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

Four years ago when I was in New York doing an internship, I saw two people on the street giving a free concert near Times Square. I found out that they were Matt and Kim, and I have had a mild obsession with them since I discovered that I had already seen their "yeah yeah" video with a buddy. I think I've probably showed the "daylight" video to a few of you, but I was really surprised to see them on a Bacardi commercial. I have never been much for rum myself, but this video does the trick. Enjoy.

The one in which Christian rediscovers Blogaboo

2009-06-07T13:13:00.000-07:00

One week it's been since I left the Shack, but I am quickly learning that life goes on, running and running away. Since leaving I have passed the time by:

1. The great journey to Boone, NC: Phil and I caravanned our way up through the mountains to the house, where we passed the week.

Things to consider:

1. Tennis Golf

2. Fly-fishing or Fly-failing? You decide.

3. Rock climbing in oncoming thunderstorms. Exposure? Fuck yes.

4. A quick visit with the Familia.

5. French Open, CONCACAF qualifiers, Stanley Cup.

6. 200 footer, waterfall that is.

2. The great journey home: I returned home on Friday for my cousins graduation. You guys remember that? highschoolgraduation. That happened.

Since then:

1. Pub time with Papa Ayers.

2. Guinness and curry chips. hmmhmm gurd.

3. Taken, Laim Neeson is MAN.

4. Mexican food.

5. sleepreadsleepchurchawesome

There. I am convinced numbered lists are the only way to summarize anything. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you something. Something that is going to take you a lot longer to read.

Now that last week is out of the way... let the blogging begin NOW!

MAN

The saddest day that was ever to be thought up by the saddest boy

2009-06-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

Move out day. Shackvilletowne, I love you.

There will be no blogging this week in honor of the Shack. In the meantime check out Hunter's post at http://clevererblogtitle.blogspot.com/, or catch up on some other quality blogs. Love you guys.

Tiana's Tiara

2009-05-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so people would like to say Disney is racist. I disagree. If you don't know me very well, then you wouldn't know that if there are two things I believe in, they are God and magic. And Disney makes magic happen. I dare you to go to a Disney firework show, or ride the MAELSTROM in Norway, or shake Mickey's hand and not feel like you are a part of something magical. Disney is the only place I can think of where I can grab a Harp ale with my mother and then go take a picture with Belle and the f***ing BEAST. But that is aside from the argument.

Disney is working to produce a movie called "The Princess and the Frog" about a black girl in 1920's New Orleans. I think this is a great step forward in that the only non-white princess now is Jasmine, who is Arabic. It's high time there was a black girl in the ranks! Yet the american populous can't see this as a good thing. The movie has already been criticized for the frog prince being white, while the princess is black. They also say New Orleans was a bad choice because of the recent tragedy that largely impacted black populations. There are also concerns about racial stereotyping in creating a black cartoon character.

Guys, Disney made Brandy into Cinderella. This isn't a racist company. Mulan was legit, and it remains a favorite of Disney's productions. I for one think this cartoon is going to be f***ing boss. And at the end of the day I have to agree with Floyd. (he knows what he is saying and he has a badass name.

“Overly sensitive people see racial or ethnic slights in every image... in their zeal to sanitize and pasteurize everything, they’ve taken all the fun out of cartoon making.”

Floyd you have my blessings. Go make your cartoon. Floyd.

Thoughts

2009-05-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

Being an RA is like being a treasure hunter. I found good booty today. Best prize, Beach dune warning sign. Score one for Apartment I-303 furthermore known as " Apartment I and love and you." You might think it's a gay apartment name, but then again, that will change when the Avett Brothers (epitomes of manliness) prove to you otherwise this August.

I like the TV show Glee. I don't care what you think. Unless you like it too. Then think away.

Couchton is being exceptionally difficult as I type this. He is very angry that I am orphaning him, and then scraping him. Be expecting a couchton memorial album soon.

Smacky the frog is pissed. I think I heard him outside the shack last night. If he amassed an army of small frogs and toads I would be so done for. Thanks guys. Thanks.

JESSE!

Why is the shack so awesome?

2009-05-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

1. Its people.

2. Its visitors.

3. The inviting seating arrangements.

4. Its ghosts.

5. Its unique culture and heritage.

6. Fireplace.

7. MTV.

8. Blogs.

9. Elvis.

Cows and Demons

2009-05-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

Note: Hunter and I are presently sitting outside on the porch watching the storm. Never mind, we are now inside with the door open watching the storm. Real scurry.

May 27th, 2 AM: Addison uses his Jedi mind powers to coerce me to set my alarm for 4:15 and drive to Gaffney, SC. Porquoi? Free Chick-Fil-A for one year. When Chick-Fil-A opens a new branch they raffle off the privilege to camp out for 24 hours in the store parking lot and be one of the first 100 patrons of the new store. Addison and I got there just before 6 and entered the raffle. He was No. 25 and I, No. 75. So it began.

Enjoyable things:

1. Four square: I learned an entirely new technique. Guys, watch out. I am coming for you.

2. Free chicken: Every meal was provided for us, including a surprise Ice dream sans chicken.

3. Dance competitions: Cowda (old black man dressed as a cow, but short and yoda-esque) cleaned up competition.

4. Sleep raiders: They came in the night.

Un-enjoyable things:

1. Four square demons: ages two to five, not kindly demons like the outdoors craft demon, no. very rambunctious and meddling four square demons.

2. Free chicken: Every meal was provided for us, and it was always chicken, except for that surprise ice dream.

3. Rain.

4. Sleep raiders: They came in the night.

Run-down: It was totally worth it. I met some new people, and walked away with 52 free combo meals. Granted, I didn't sleep really, and it got pretty hot. But at the end of the day (literally), food is food.

Hunter and I are still watching the storm, i think we are going to live.

This dude has done this 32 times. Apparently one naturally evolves into a cow after than much chicken. It's just something the body does.

In six hours I will have won free chick-fil-a for one year.

2009-05-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

For the bumble-bee outside my window

2009-05-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

I was reading about the new justice Sotomayor this morning when I found a bumble-bee, Mr. Flumble to be exact, floating outside my window. He seemed pretty happy, and so was I. Then the rain came. I don't know what happened to Mr. Flumble, because I am not really clear on where bumbles go when it rains. Hopefully he is hiding on my porch. Anyways, I got moody and wrote a palindromic poem because Anonanimal was playing.

Hiding-nigh

Mumble me to sleep bumble bee,

Murmur your sweet and sour fervor,

In every word, the Lord never end

I awake and sing, forsaken sigh

Lived and mirrored the devil,

Changed in sleep and arranged

In every word, the Lord never end.

Fervor, sour and sweet, my murmur

Mumble me to morning bumble-bee.

MADE UP WORD DAY!

2009-05-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Memorial day is a pleasant excuse to not go to work, and therefore is a welcome holiday. However, it is my opinion that Memorial day is rather lackluster, and could stand to be "jazzed"up a touch. Henceforth, and most likely lasting for this year only, Memorial day shall be known as MADE UP WORD DAY.

Your assignment: Make up a word and use it in everyday conversation as many times without drawing any suspicions. If people ask you what you are talking about, you may either be condescending as hell, or give them a real definition. I recommend the latter because it is more pleasant, and the formerly known "Memorial Day" was a rather pleasant holiday.

Here is mine, and I have already used it in a conversation with my sister.

Adhouldian- [ahduh-hohl-dI-an] noun

One who acts in a manner that could be considered funny, whilst sleeping. Often involves rolling onto some one's shoulder, or stealing sheets in a greedy fashion. Kicking or making piggy-noises are not excluded in an Adhouldian's repertoire. Adhouldian's have been known to unconsciously feel for their face in unexpected ways.

Best of luck, post stories if you have them, and I know you will. Oh, and remember our troops, because that is what today is really about.

Because I forgot to yesterday,

2009-05-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

"There shalt be no blogging by myself on Sunday, May 24. It would be inappropriate and vile."

Note: This is not Mondays post. This is only what I would have posted on Saturday had I been able to foretell the future. Which I have been known to do from time to time. Just not this time.

Dewey Waldo Howard

2009-05-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

Dewey,

You are Addison's dog.
You are Awesome.
With your punk style,
and your collar that says you just don't care.
Eyes hazed like you just cranked up,
the only drug you need is some Howard lovin'.
It was a pleasure to meet you Dewey.
Charles town wouldn't jive without you.

Romans 8:26

2009-05-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

"A Nasa Mars rover, The Spirit, is stuck." - Kenneth Chang, The Times

Mr. Spirit,

John Callas said it quite serious, leaving you sounding altogether mysterious,

With your 5 legs on the ground, and your other wheel spinning in the air

you fester in the soft surface, and muddle where there is no sound.

Now a failure on the voyage to discovery, on the rocks you've rested your belly.

Just like your friend Opportunity, you have learned the effects of this new age.

I hate to say I told you so, but nothing now lasts that wasn't ordained.

And sir, we've sucked you dry of your usefulness. We need a crutch to fall on,

An opium for the people, and not the other way around. So this is goodbye,

and Mr. Spirit, when you look at our planet, remember you came an awful

long way, just to be left in the dirt.

Let's take a break

2009-05-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

This blog has seen a lot of excitement recently. So in honour of taking things easy, this post is simple. Today I am going to eat lunch with my family. My little sister said via text "We just hit 385, you have 30 mins. to get your shit together." I love that child. Naturally, instead of packing, I am here. Here is a comic from a website that a friend showed me. Enjoy. Hopefully tomorrow I will be at the beach, if only people will get wicked drunk with me and just go.

A Dinner with Dr. David Shi, The Fourth Movement

2009-05-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

Last night, Andy, Virginia and I passed the dinner hour with Dr. David Shi. I don't think any of us fully realized how personable that man is. By the time he arrived we had all ordered a round of beer, and thank the lord, Dr. Shi joined us. Not only that though, he asked if it would be alright for him to pick up the tab. Two appetizers, a kosmic karma, and 8 beers later we felt phenomenal. I was thus so inspired to write a musical about the evening. Written here for you is the fourth movement of the piece. The tune may sound something close to "Baby, One More Time" composed and performed by the vocalist Ms. Spears. I assure you however, that the piece is purely original.

Oh baby baby

How was I supposed to know

That you were Dr. Shi

Oh Dr. Shi,

You sat down and you asked

A whole lot of questions

Ask Virginia what she's done wrong,

Andy's gonna talk about fireworks

oh because

My hungriness is killin' me

And I confess I'm drinking beer

Dr. Shi I'm gonna lose my mind,

When you say get them a beer one more time.

Oh Dr. Shi,

The reason we booze is you.

Now sir you got me blinded.

Oh Dr. shi,

You really like the Avett's

see you August 8th sir

Ask Virginia if she's bizarre,

Andy's gonna Macon talk some more

oh because

Our hungriness is satisfied

And we confess we drank with Shi

Dr. Shi I'm gonna shake your hand,

You are a man, Buy me beer one more time?

Captain's log, Stardate, 03182009

2009-05-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

03182009; 10:25:33 PM

INCOMING TRANSMISSION

David Shi[10:25:37 PM]: Hello Virginia. I hope you are well.
---------------
Virginia King[10:25:47 PM]: I'm great, and you?
---------------
Virginia King[10:26:32 PM]: This is Christian, Andy, and Susan. And we were wondering if you'd have dinner with us some night this week?
---------------
David Shi[10:26:32 PM]: Well, things have been rather busy of late, what with Commencmement and other news, but I am looking forward to the pace of things subsiding as the summer enfolds us in its relaxing embrace.
---------------
David Shi[10:27:15 PM]: Hmmm. What a delicious invitation. I go to Columbia on Wednesday/Thursday, so it would have to be tomorrow evening....
---------------
Virginia King[10:28:05 PM]: Can you do 8:30? At Mellow Mushroom?
---------------
David Shi[10:28:37 PM]: Sure--if we can limit it to an hour or so. Why so late?
---------------
Virginia King[10:29:15 PM]: Because I have work until late. But I can join late if you'd rather do 7:30....
---------------
David Shi[10:29:31 PM]: How about we comptormise and say 8?
---------------
Virginia King[10:30:00 PM]: Okay that sounds great! Can we meet you there?
---------------
David Shi[10:30:19 PM]: Yes, I'll meet you there--thanks for the invitation!

TRANSMISSION TERMINATED

03182009; 10:32:45 PM

Crew is suffering from apparent mental break-downs. I can only postulate that the incoming transmission has bothered them greatly. It seems Virginia is especially bothered. It is apparent that the entirety of the crew is on the verge of mutiny. I am worried. Captain Ayers signing off.

03182009; 11:13:23 PM

A crew member challenged me to a test of wits. It was unlike any game I have ever played before. I fear I am fallen, but I have not given up hope*******ERROR404: DATA MISSING.

03182009; 11:15:34 PM

ERROR10: SYSTEM FAILURE CODE142: MATERIAL UNBLOGGABLE

SYSTEM RECOVERY INITIATED; 13% COMPLETE

03182009; 11:16:52 PM

IMAGE RECOVERED:

ERROR FOUND: RECOVERY CODE356

RETRIEVING ERROR; 47% COMPLETE

UPLOADING IMAGE:

CAPTAIN'S LOG 03182009 TERMINATED

Nouns of Assemblage

2009-05-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

So, being the academic child that I am, I have been known to read the paper from time to time. You may have heard of it, The New York Times. If that alone is not classy or sophisticated enough, I read it online. BAM! Can you say 21st century? Anyways, a guy named Schott had an idea to take the 14th century book of St. Albans and examine the section on nouns of assemblage.

Here are a few examples.

An exultation of larks; a parliament of rooks; a murmuration of starlings; a shrewdness of apes; a gaggle of geese; a turmoil of porpoises; a business of ferrets; a spring of teal; and a pride of lions.

He then asked of his readers to invent their own; here are some of mine.

A Dick Cheney of Mistakes

A catastrophe of prosti-tots

A gazpacho of hookah-water

A vomit of horrorfilms (this is your's Cameron)

A serfdom of four-square players

A crap of townies

A rapture of red-wine

An industry of good looking people

A summer of blogs

Now yours: GO!

And make a business of it.

Watertime at Partyfalls...

2009-05-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

Today I jumped down a party, still reeling from last nights waterfall.
And I enjoy being outside way more than I like running a wallflower.
It takes a torrent to show you a stagnant pond.
And it takes the company of hosts and trees,
to show you that you don't belong among the guests.

But if you must, here are the keys to success...

1) The Reid Game - See how many of the buttons on Reid's shirt you can undo before the end of the night. Game works best if you are Frances.

2) The Wallflower Game - Attach a plastic (shot-glass?) to an unwary victim's back, preferably Frances Flowers. Proceed to take shots from a straw without the victim's knowledge. Game works best if you are Virginia.

3) The Porch Game - Sit on the porch. It's awesome.

The passing of yesterday afternoon...

2009-05-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

Me: Hey Dr. Shi!

Dr. Shi: Hey Christian, how's it goin'?

Me: Great! How are you?

Dr. Shi: You know just bein' awesome. You want to be awesome with me?

Me: Sure! :: puts on awesome hat and a pot of coffee, while Dr. Shi joins me on the porch with his granddaughter ::

Dr. Shi: So I hear you have a blog. Blogs are dope like velcro.

Me: That's right. I am awesome. Thanks for noticing.

Dr. Shi: I couldn't help but notice. Watch this! * does a front flip off my porch swing, over his granddaughter. Baby grandaughter monkey rolls and punches me in the gut *

Me: That is awesome.

Dr. Shi: Damn straight. Blog about it son.

What really happened;

Me: Hey Dr. Shi!

Dr. Shi: Hey...you. How's it goin'?

Me: Great! geooeuh... and you?

Dr. Shi: I'm doin' well... see you around!

Me: (muffled) Damn. Maybe next time we will be awesome together.

Clifford's horn is weak sauce.

2009-05-15T09:03:00.001-07:00

Clifford,

Why does your mighty horn sound muted these days?
Is it because Cameron is soon to take you away?
I saw a red truck last week that reminded me of you.
Your sound is small, but your heart is not.
Don't cry too hard Clifford, we will meet again,
and remember big red buddy, you will always be my friend.

A Tale Concerning Asheville

2009-05-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

- Inspired by our recent trip to Asheville, and Mr. Ritter.

As tales of old are wont to do,

the story of Asheville is known by few.

I am one who was told its secrets,

by a haggard man of wild regrets.

When lost, I was found by his steady hand

when found, I was told his eerie plan

to tell me tales of the villes forgotten,

and speak rhymes light as cotton.

“You see lad, this place once smelled of grain,

until the norseman came masked in rain.

and revealed to us the secrets of dance.”

At this he released my hand and glanced

“Down the road there, was where the demon,

grew out of man's distaste and ruined reason,

In the club it first grasped our souls,

and shook our bodies, took its toll.”

And then a tear did fall from his eye,

and I turned to go on down the way.

The true ruin of Asheville I did know,

Never the same since it discovered Disco.

But what does it mean?

2009-05-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

Just in case you were wondering, these are the lyrics for Third Eye Blind's Semi Charmed Kind of Life. It's unintelligible without them. And with them? You decide.

I'm packed and I'm holding,
I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden and
she lives for me, She says she lives for me,
Ovation, She's got her own motivation,
she comes round and she goes down on me,
And I make her smile, It's like a drug for you,
Do ever what you want to do,
Coming over you,
Keep on smiling,
what we go through.
One stop to the rhythm that divides you,
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse,
Chop another line like a coda with a curse,
And I come on like a freak show takes the stage.
We give them the games we play, she said,
I want something else, to get me through this,
Semi-charmed kind of life,
I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say, Good-bye.

The sky it was gold, it was rose,
I was taking sips of it through my nose,
And I wish I could get back there,
Some place back there,
Smiling in the pictures you would take,
Doing crystal meth,
Will lift you up until you break,
It won't stop,
I won't come down, I keep stock,
With a tick tock rhythm and a bump for the drop,
And then I bumped up. I took the hit I was given,
Then I bumped again,
And then I bumped again.
How do I get back there to,
The place where I fell asleep inside you?
How do I get myself back to,
The place where you said,
I want something else to get me through this,
semi-charmed kind of life,
I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say, good-bye,

I believe in the sand beneath my toes,
The beach gives a feeling,
An earthy feeling,
I believe in the faith that grows,
And the four right chords can make me cry,
When I'm with you I feel like I could die.
And that would be all right,
All right, When the plane came in,
She said she was crashing,
The velvet it rips,
In the city we tripped,
On the urge to feel alive,
But now I'm struggling to survive,
The days you were wearing,
That velvet dress,
You're the priestess,
must confess,
Those little red panties,
They pass the test,
Slide up around the belly,
Face down on the mattress,
One,
Now you hold me,
And we're broken.
Still it's all that I want to do.
Feel myself with a head made of the ground,
I'm scared but I'm not coming down.
And I won't run for my life,
She's got her jaws just locked now in smile
but nothing is all right,
All right, I want something else,
To get me through this,
Semi-charmed kind of life,
I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say,
good-bye.

Prometheus

2009-05-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

The oldest tree is felled,

so what the hell.

We can burn it for fire,

for warmth or for desire.

- Prometheus, 4862 years

Just before you left,

2009-05-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

there was a red truck outside of my window.

Christian Ayers

faith like a child

I Heart Ethiopia(ack)

trav·el

I'm going to open every one of you...

ASLAN!

the best thing I could find in the news today.

What could have been (LSAT revised)

Celebration of Discipline

What the LSAT has taught me thus far.

The story of how I lost a week of my life.

Helpful tips when interviewing for a job

U15 is not a submarine

The Rebirth

Nostoi

Welcome to Big Daddy's, may I take your order?

my dog, the fossor

Christian Ayers, A Study in Scarlet

Don't mind the yankees (I HATE YOU)

we will do better next time/ this is a good beginning

faintly falling

Man I was awesome

Make SKI

Collapsing the infinite and unreachable into the dimensions of your world

Our fathers are not who they say they are

this is a good beginning

Goodnight Blog

Why you should let this man buy you a drink

Canidae

Old people know how to party

Dear Blog,

for all that's good

WTF.

Top 10 reasons why tonight has thus far been incredible

The water is rising

Give credit where credit is due...

I have just escaped from a glue prison.

Adventuresome?

A good weekend...

You can smear my blogue any day

Fawnsy, an Introduction

Alcoholism, and how it could affect you.

Q: Who names their dog Frodo Bear?

Boone Survival 101

Is there a ghost in my house?

Florida Day 1

I AM STILL PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Two hours of Tennis. Days of humiliation.

Summer Saviour

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

FUTBOL!

Update

You know those summer plans I had....

Acts 2:26

What I have learned and how I have learned it: The third movement.

Don't even look at me.

Just let it happen.

New York

Painting my driveway...

Saint Guinefort

This is kind of cool

The one in which Christian rediscovers Blogaboo

The saddest day that was ever to be thought up by the saddest boy

Tiana's Tiara

Thoughts

Why is the shack so awesome?

Cows and Demons

In six hours I will have won free chick-fil-a for one year.

For the bumble-bee outside my window

MADE UP WORD DAY!

Because I forgot to yesterday,

Dewey Waldo Howard

Romans 8:26

Let's take a break

A Dinner with Dr. David Shi, The Fourth Movement

Captain's log, Stardate, 03182009

Nouns of Assemblage

Watertime at Partyfalls...

The passing of yesterday afternoon...

Clifford's horn is weak sauce.